how to not lose it from the smallest inconvenience
that's a question, not a statement.
these days even the smallest things seem to set me off. i'm irritable, i'm emotional, probably a little too much. The smallest comment or criticism pisses me off, a single phrase is enough to make me start sobbing. I'm finding it harder to separate others' experiences from my own.
the smallest of interactions seems to trigger my anxiety. simply exchanging a few words between classmates can make my hands tremble. interacting with the cashier at a store makes me panicky and makes my heart rate skyrocket.
my anxiety is becoming more palpable too. i don't know if I just didn't experience physical symptoms before or if i've just become more aware of my physical reactions but my hands feel like they shake more. the beating of my heart seems to overcome every other sense as it speeds up and i can't focus on anything else but the pounding in my ears. my head spins and i can't maintain balance. i become acutely aware of my surroundings, the surfaces i touch, the scents around me and the space i take up.
it's as if my soul actually leaves my body and observes from a third person's perspective but at the same time my senses are heightened and so, so intense.
most things fill me with dread these days, even the things that used to ease it. not all things but some. a lot.