something to think about
Don't really know why I'm doing this. It's a not-super-public space where I can write down my thoughts I guess. Thank you for being here, I appreciate that you care enough to read even if I'm not aware of it.
I've been wasting too much time on games or just sleeping so I thought this might be a better use of my time while I'm on semester break and maybe even after. It's surprisingly fun, learning to how to format things this way. I always thought it would be too tedious but I forget that I enjoy tedious tasks, so long as I have a genuine interest in them.
Sometimes I feel there is nothing to do and sometimes I feel there is too much to do, there's never a middle ground. It can be fun but it's also torture, I either feel lazy or tired.
These days I don't really know who to be anymore. I don't know what parts of me are myself and what parts of me were placed in my head by others. Some parts were shoved into my head by force but others were placed gently on a shelf. Does it change the fact that it never originated from me? Does it change whether it's right or wrong to be someone not completely from myself? I wonder if I've actually made any real progress in becoming a person I'd like to know and be friends with. I guess I can't really be a judge of that because I rarely think I'm a person worthy of a space in a list of names. I wonder whether I'm digging my own grave with some of the things I do. I'm aware of some things, I know their consequences... but others I can't tell.
tldr; nothing important to report, just running aimlessly